My partner and I have been actively trying to conceive, I have seen a doc and taken vaccination and medications I need. I was told I should have no problem getting pregnant as my period is regular, clock work. We haven’t been trying too long, my partner says I should relax and it will happen in due time, but I can’t relax!!!! I want to have a baby now because I’m ready and I want to bring a human being to this earth. I don’t know if this is because I’m getting old (30) or just a vacancy in heart that needs to love someone, but that feeling isn’t going away. Now i must admit we haven’t tried everything yet, but i feel that i might be the only one in this union who is ready to have a child.
So, today my period came when i was not expecting it to come, but its here and i feel like shitttt!. I’m very angry with myself, God and my eggs. How could not one sperm ovulate 1 bloody egg, i recall having sex every 2nd day as had been prescribed by the doctor, still nothing happened. The blood came flooding to my undies as though it was an active volcano that was ready to explode. I can’t talk to anyone because i feel that no one understands what and how i’m feeling and when i do i get the usual, just relax it will happen. Maybe it’s true, i don’t know, but today I feel like shit!
On a side note, i feel like the lord might be punishing me because I had an abortion when I was 26 to a man I didn’t love and didn’t want to have a future with . Now this abortion was done in the beginning of my 2nd semester.I was never going to look and love the child the way i wanted to because i never loved the father the way i wanted to, in fact i feel that i would have resented the child.!!! There was no option for me so i went ahead and organised to take pills that i had bought from some man who lived in a dodgy tiny apartment where several women where queuing outside his apartment waiting for their turn. I struggled on my own emotionally because the man who impregnated me was nothing short of a dead beat. I never felt guilty about doing it, but i did experience a lot of emotional pain months and years after the ordeal that almost killed me by the way. I never told anybody I was pregnant because I didn’t want to be talked into keeping the baby.
I’ ‘M NOT PREGNANT AND I’M MAD AS HELL!!